Too Much Time….

Welp, now I’ll have Styx stuck in my head all day. Sigh.

Finding a therapist is literally the worst experience ever. I’m not cut out for virtual therapy, which is the “easy” way. Finding an “in network” therapist – the pits. And how do you decide who’s going to work and who isn’t?

The long and short of it is that I need to find a damn therapist. If I don’t start sorting through some of this nonsense, I’m going to lose what bit of sanity I have left.

I don’t even know where to start or if I should. I’m struggling a lot with the non-cancer aspects of my body failing. I feel like I’m losing more and more of my independence every day. My muscles and joints are beyond painful, and/or stiff and weak. Lifting my arms over my head? Forget it. Standing up from a chair or a bed? Complicated. Getting in and out of a car? Painful. And right now, all I have is a hope that it’s an autoimmune response to the cancer. If it’s not…. well. If it’s not then I’m in trouble.

And don’t get me started on the “what if’s” of cancer. That’s a rabbit hole that would get me to China in no time flat. I know, take one thing at a time.

Have you met me??

I plan my vacations 18 months in advance. Taking one thing at a time is NOT my jam.

For now, it’s back to a deep breath and a moment to refocus. That’s only a temporary solution, though…

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